i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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