How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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