You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
