not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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