dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
