k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
