turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
