similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
