I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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