woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
