i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
