You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
