I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
