the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
