You can't motorboat a personality
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I want her autograph on my taint
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have feelings that need drinking.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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