Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
