She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
