The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
