This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
