we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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