do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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