WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What a dumb baby whore.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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