I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we made out on top of his cat.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
nutella sex= disaster
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
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