i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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