I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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