We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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