Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
