I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
