gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
