Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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