Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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