looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
