Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
