I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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