Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just google imaged poop.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
