my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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