nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
