I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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