If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
