just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
COCAINE IS GR8
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
