My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
