WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
