I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
