we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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