Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
