Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
