please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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