marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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