My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
