I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
