areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
