I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
